Don't Know What To Do

I have never experienced anything like this in my 5 years of poker. I just cannot control how well I play. I know something is a wrong move, but I do it anyway. My EV line is down 5k since its peak earlier this month. I played some Rush Poker on FullTilt, which is NL50, and promptly lost 1k. I wish I could say I ran bad, but I really didn't. I just keep making stupid plays.

I am lucky that my form of tilting doesn't involve moving up and blowing my roll. I just spew and spew at whatever limits I play, till I feel so ashamed at what I'm doing. Losing 20 buyins at NL50 means I was seriously playing terrible. Even when I play super turbos, I feel myself making bad calls and pushes.

I thought the 5 day break would help, but I have gone straight back into this stupid form of playing. Sometimes I need to remind myself how lucky I am with regards to poker. Most players (including me when I was starting) would dream of having my roll and playing the games I do. I don't mean to sound arrogant, but I need to get myself out of this funk. I need to start getting excited about making a +0.5% push, instead of just thinking "$#$A it, it's only NL50, I will just tilt shove". I mean, I lost a $400 pot at NL50, drawing to 6 outs on the river. Stupid Rush Poker. It is unbelievably addicting though.

I think I need some more time off. The next 2 days are going to be full of golf. Maybe I will finish all college application work, and then hit poker hard again.